There are a few typical responses when I tell someone that I am ugly.

“What? Nooo, you’re so pretty.”

“You give great hugs.” 

“You smell really good.”

But no matter how much you lie to me (or not, because I do smell really good), the truth is, being ugly is an obstacle difficult to overcome. Some people never do.

It’s easy to believe unattractiveness solely impacts a person’s romantic life. And while not being conventionally attractive can have a huge impact on romantic relationships, it can also have an effect on almost every other aspect of life.

Ugly since birth

Believe it or not, even babies are judged by their appearances. Infants perceived as less attractive are generally given less hugs and kisses by caregivers.

Children who are considered unattractive are often thought of as unapproachable and are isolated. This may lead to difficulty making viable connections with other children their age. Because they are treated as outsiders, they can become withdrawn, leading to a lack of crucial skills and experiences needed to make lasting interpersonal relationships. 

On the other hand, attractive children are considered intelligent, well-behaved, and approachable and are overall treated better by both teachers and peers. The social advantage given to these kids through physical appearance will allow them to grow into well-rounded, confident individuals. An opportunity not equally given to those who lost the genetic lottery.

Additionally, unattractive children have been noted to receive worse grades than their attractive counterparts.  Research concluded that during the COVID-19 pandemic, attractive female students saw a decline in their academic performance as a result of online classes rather than in-person.

A study conducted by the Metropolitan State University of Denver found that “female students experienced a 0.024 increase in grades (on a 4.0 scale) for each increase on the attractiveness rating scale. The “less attractive” group earned 0.067 grade points below students in the “average” attractiveness groups. This discrepancy disappeared with online courses, where professors rarely see what individual students look like.” 

The transition to adulthood

Being judged based on appearance can foster long-lasting feelings of inadequacy, loneliness and diminish a person’s self-worth well into adulthood.

In the workplace, unattractive people see greater difficulty when it comes to finding and keeping a job, getting promoted and competing with their more attractive coworkers.

Preconceptions of attractive individuals being more outgoing, intelligent and reliable make for a biased work experience. Attractive people are overall more confident because society has allowed them to be, which makes workplaces prefer them. 

Self-fulfilling prophecies

The halo effect further promotes the idea of good looks correlating to favorable behavior. The halo effect is a psychological concept that suggests first impressions of a person will affect how that person is perceived.

And attractive people will have an easier time making a good first impression because others tend to gravitate towards them and consider them approachable from the get-go. Therefore, all continued interactions with said person will already have a positive foundation.

On the other hand, unattractive people often have a negative first impression based on appearance.

First impressions can then lead to self-fulfilling prophecies.

A self-fulfilling prophecy is when you believe something about someone, and because of how you treat them, they end up acting in a way that proves your belief right.

Since ugly people are thought to be less than, they are often treated harshly by others, making them become reclusive. Hence, the bias that unattractiveness equates to being substandard becomes a reality. 

The prophecy is, sadly, self-fulfilled. This is bad news if you’re not conventionally attractive. 

Here’s some good news

You don’t have to let your looks limit you. In the same way that assumptions can harm you, they can be used to help you no matter what you look like. 

The most valuable thing you can do if you are ugly is to live a reality of how you want to be seen. If you present yourself in a confident, happy and approachable way, it is more likely you will be perceived as such. 

Being confident is one way to change people’s perspective of you. Research done by Newcastle University and University of Exeter found that students who were consistently confident in themselves and their abilities were thought of as smarter by their peers in comparison to those who doubted themselves.

In order to adjust others’ perception of you, you need to first have a positive perception of yourself.

You can’t help bias, but you can prove it wrong. 

Be kind to yourself

Being confident is easier said than done, so it’s important to take care of yourself during times of low self-esteem. Positivity helps you be more accepting of yourself.

One way to improve positivity and overall self-view is through the practice of mindfulness. Mindfulness is a very well-recognized form of self-care. It consists of two key parts: attention and acceptance. 

Here are a few easy ways to incorporate mindfulness.

First, focus on the physical aspects of your body such as breathing or counting heartbeats. These behaviors bring you back to the present moment; additionally, they regulate and soothe difficult emotions such as anger or anxiety. 

The second part of mindfulness consists of accepting your emotions. This is done through acknowledging emotions without judgment. Try to accept the things being felt, without allowing them to ruin your day. Practice being able to move on from them.

Mindfulness is not something that is only done in moments of distress. You can practice mindfulness daily by writing things you are grateful for and positive affirmations in a diary or personal journal.

I like to practice mindfulness by listening to a guided meditation before bed. This is usually the time of day when I feel restless, so calming my body and my mind before bed helps me get good sleep and start the next day in a positive way.

Regardless of what you look like, at the end of the day you choose how to live your life. You have to decide if you are going to let other people’s preconceptions of you determine who you are. So choose to be optimistic, choose to be confident and choose to be beautiful.

Are you ugly and thriving? Let us know how you do it in the comments.