If every time you’re with your partner you walk away feeling bad and don’t quite know why, you may be in a toxic relationship. 

Or maybe you do know your partner is toxic, but they’re so cute, you’re willing to let it slide. 

Either way, it’s time to pull yourself together, friend. I have compiled a comprehensive list of toxic traits that will allow even the most lovesick student to determine if they need to end the relationship.

Lovebombing

Lovebombing is really hard to catch, especially if you’re hopelessly romantic. Lovebombing is when your partner excessively praises you and showers you with affection. At first, it can be mistaken as a honeymoon phase, but don’t be fooled. Lovebombing is a manipulation tactic designed to make you unhealthily co-dependent on your partner. 

Lovebombing often includes irrational jealousy. A partner might get upset when you talk to other people— even people who are just your friends or even family. At first, you may find your partner’s clinginess endearing. I know some people find jealousy attractive (for reasons I can’t comprehend), but this clinginess isn’t just a sign they love you so much. It usually manifests because of one or both of these reasons: your partner wants to control you or they are anxiously attached. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say it’s often both. 

You will be able to brush all this off at first. But after a while, you will become mentally exhausted. Set some clear boundaries. For example, if your partner excessively gives you gifts, try politely refusing it and stand your ground. If your partner gets jealous easily and tries to keep you from hanging out with other people, make it known that you can make time for both and that they need to let you have personal space as well. If they can’t handle that, it may be time to view this relationship for what it is: toxic.

Controlling behavior

Of course, a controlling partner is a red flag, but it can manifest so subtly it could be easily ignored at first. The most prevalent of all controlling behaviors in teen relationships is a person isolating their partner from their friends. It’s only natural that one should set boundaries with their friends so their partner isn’t uncomfortable, but such boundaries should not alienate you from your loved ones for any reason.

A lasting relationship is built on trust. Jealousy and insecurity go hand-in-hand. If your partner demands that you cut off your friends and family because they can’t trust you’ll prioritize them, or can’t trust you won’t cheat, you will probably begin to build up resentment towards them, albeit slowly. In abusive and toxic relationships, victims often notice this too late once they’re completely dependent on their partner for love and companionship. 

Your friends just really don’t like them

It is always really awkward and upsetting when your friends don’t like your partner. We all hate the feeling of having to defend our partner to our loved ones. But your friends’ opinions matter more than you’d expect. 

Friends can judge our partners more fairly than we can since we are automatically biased towards our lover, of course. If your close friends have genuine concerns about your significant other, they probably have your best interest in mind. Not to say that you should break up just because your friend isn’t a fan, but if all or most of your close friends complain or disapprove of your partner, then maybe you should listen closely and be conscious of who your partner actually is.

Your trusted friends and family will be better at catching toxic traits than you are because you might be blinded by love. If you feel unsure about how your relationship is going, ask someone you trust for feedback. 

It’s time to break up

If you have communicated boundaries and expectations with your partner, and you still feel unsure about your relationship, ask yourself these questions:

• Are you worried about breaking up because you’ll feel lonely rather than because you truly like your partner? 
• Are you uncomfortable but looking for a “valid” reason to break up— like something really bad or dramatic? 
• Are you worried that your partner will guilt trip you if you break up with them? 
• Does the relationship place a burden on you that would be relieved if you broke up? 

If the answer is yes to any of these, it’s probably time to break up. 

Your partner doesn’t have to display toxic traits for you to break up with them. Your partner could be a great person, and it’s okay to end the relationship. You are not obligated towards a person at any moment. If you are unhappy with your relationship in a way that feels mildly or deeply unsatisfying, it is fine to prioritize yourself and politely end the relationship.

Have you ever been in a toxic relationship? Let us know in the comments!